5 Things I have stopped caring about 

31 Mar

Everyone knows that becoming a mother changes you so I won’t bore you with all the usual existential, emotional, time or sleep related revelations. Here are the things that I’ve noticed that have taken me by complete surprise…

1. People hearing me poo 

I used to avoid pooing anywhere where I might be overheard, for example, the office toilets.  Now I don’t care, in fact, the office toilet is the best place to poo because it is the one place where I can guarantee not being responsible for a toddler, having an audience, needing to give a running commentary, trying to talk Elsie down from a tantrum because she doesn’t want me to do a poo or being interrupted with questions such as ‘where are Elsie’s socks?’. 

2. Eating alone in a restaurant 

I used to feel awkward at the thought of sitting in a restaurant, eating alone, surely people would look at me? Judge me?

Now?

Just. Give. Me. The. Chance.

 To eat a meal, without having to rush in the knowledge you’ve only got 5 minutes before the baby will stop tolerating the high chair, feed anyone else, debate parenting strategies to decrease the chances of fussy eating, make small talk to be polite whilst knowing you are wasting valuable shovelling time.  

3. My personal use of the following phrases: 

Dont worry, it’s just a bit of vom

Don’t worry, it’s only wee

Don’t worry, it’s only a bit of poo

Here, let me chew that for you

Thank you for your boggy

I’m just going to squirt some breast milk in your eye

Let me sniff your bum

4. Buying pre-chopped, frozen onions

Yes, it costs £1 more than buying the Un-chopped ones, yes you could argue it’s lazy. 

Whatever.

It saved me 15 minutes and removed one of a multitude of barriers to me cooking a healthy meal and decreased our chances of ordering a takeaway. 15 minutes is worth £1. Easy. 

5. Small talk

If, by some miracle, we are two adults managing to have a conversation then, for the love of whichever god you chose, lets not waste it on the weather, sport or people neither of us actually know or care about.  Tell me something real, talk about something that actually matters, let’s laugh, let’s cry  or fuck it and enjoy a minutes silence. 

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2 Responses to “5 Things I have stopped caring about ”

  1. Sheila April 1, 2016 at 5:40 am #

    Good that the longnoseddog is back xx

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