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5 More Things I have Stopped Caring About

1 Apr

1. Dancing in public

By in public I do not mean in a night club or at a party or festival.  I mean in the street, during the day, in the corner shop, in the supermarket, at the garden centre and in the swimming pool. Having worn Elsie in a sling for much of her first year of life I have gotten so used to swaying, bopping, bouncing and squating my way around life that I’ve forgotten how not to dance.  The first time I went to the corner shop post Elsie, without Elsie she was about 10m old and I found myself dancing in the queue, at 2pm in the afternoon.  When I realised my faux pas I felt the need to explain myself to the man behind me.  He just laughed and said not to worry and that I have “rhythm”.  Since this incident I have realised life is actually a happier place to be if you dance along. I don’t care if it looks totally bizarre.

2. Intellectual conversations

I used to love to explore intricate, abstract and philosophical concepts.  Over a bottle of wine, country walk or lengthy telephone conversation.

Now?

Please don’t ask me anything complicated!  Don’t ask me to think!! I don’t have space in my head to think about anything extra and you are distracting my limited processing power from thinking about what I want to think about which is: working out what I can cook for Friday night that is baby friendly, healthy, tasty, vegetarian, wheat free, not massively processed and can be prepared with one hand during the time Elsie eats her lunch on Thursday and provide a lunch for the next 5 days. Actually. Sod that. I don’t want to think at all, Please can you think about that for me too.

3. How I look

Here I am talking beyond basic cleanliness and health.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve never aspired to be magazine cover material and always focused my energy in other directions.  But now? It’s fallen totally off the radar.  I used to worry people would judge me for not making “an effort” but I’ve realised there is no law about having to make yourself look pretty.

4. Making up crap songs 

I’ve always wanted to be good at music, but never really developed the skills.  During my pregnancy I read that I should sing to my bump. I thought it was a good idea but the perfectionist in me got stuck in working out what song it should be, should I write one? What if it’s Rubbish? I never did sing to my bump.

Now? We have a song for everything.  The songs are not remotely poetic or musically sound but they aid communication, provide cues, jolly us up and punctuate our days. They get us through! Here are a few examples:

I’m going to wash, wash, wash your wees away. Wash, wash, wash your wees away. Wash, wash, wash your wees away and wiggle your waggles away (to the tune of shake your sillies out) 

We’ll have a cup of tea and a boobie, we’ll have a cup of tea and a boobie, we’ll have a cup of tea and a boobie, ’cause that’s what mummies and Elsies do, boom, boom boom (to the tune of Alice the camel) 

Bye bye water, bye bye bubbles, bye bye day time, bye bye troubles (I don’t know where that time comes from) 

5. Having low-brow tastes

Please consider this my official “coming out” I’ve always secretly liked a bit of crap telly, but now, if I get the chance to spend a few minutes in front of the box I need a zero-effort-super-fast-brainless- hit.  I need something to turn my brain off to.  I love made in Chelsea, TOWIE and 90210. While I’m confessing I might as well tell you I also love KFC, Krispy Kreme and all inclusive beach holidays. I wish I didn’t, but I do. Life’s too short to pretend otherwise.

What do you no longer care about? Either as the result of having a baby or due to other sources of personal change?

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5 Things I have stopped caring about 

31 Mar

Everyone knows that becoming a mother changes you so I won’t bore you with all the usual existential, emotional, time or sleep related revelations. Here are the things that I’ve noticed that have taken me by complete surprise…

1. People hearing me poo 

I used to avoid pooing anywhere where I might be overheard, for example, the office toilets.  Now I don’t care, in fact, the office toilet is the best place to poo because it is the one place where I can guarantee not being responsible for a toddler, having an audience, needing to give a running commentary, trying to talk Elsie down from a tantrum because she doesn’t want me to do a poo or being interrupted with questions such as ‘where are Elsie’s socks?’. 

2. Eating alone in a restaurant 

I used to feel awkward at the thought of sitting in a restaurant, eating alone, surely people would look at me? Judge me?

Now?

Just. Give. Me. The. Chance.

 To eat a meal, without having to rush in the knowledge you’ve only got 5 minutes before the baby will stop tolerating the high chair, feed anyone else, debate parenting strategies to decrease the chances of fussy eating, make small talk to be polite whilst knowing you are wasting valuable shovelling time.  

3. My personal use of the following phrases: 

Dont worry, it’s just a bit of vom

Don’t worry, it’s only wee

Don’t worry, it’s only a bit of poo

Here, let me chew that for you

Thank you for your boggy

I’m just going to squirt some breast milk in your eye

Let me sniff your bum

4. Buying pre-chopped, frozen onions

Yes, it costs £1 more than buying the Un-chopped ones, yes you could argue it’s lazy. 

Whatever.

It saved me 15 minutes and removed one of a multitude of barriers to me cooking a healthy meal and decreased our chances of ordering a takeaway. 15 minutes is worth £1. Easy. 

5. Small talk

If, by some miracle, we are two adults managing to have a conversation then, for the love of whichever god you chose, lets not waste it on the weather, sport or people neither of us actually know or care about.  Tell me something real, talk about something that actually matters, let’s laugh, let’s cry  or fuck it and enjoy a minutes silence. 

2014

31 Dec

I feel as if 2014 has brought me full circle in a number of ways:

This time last year I was a tiny bit pregnant and desperately anxious that I would lose that little life.

I didn’t.

I am very happy to write Elsie Anne Brown arrived on the 14th of August, on what was probably the most traumatic, but ultimately, brilliant day of my life.

A year later, here she is:

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Which brings me on to the other thing that 2014 has done for me. It’s made me a mother. I’m still getting my head around what that means exactly but, I know that I have changed. A lot. In ways I didn’t imagine.

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Also, perhaps unfortunately, I turned 30 this year. Having this coincide with pregnancy really nailed home the feeling that I’ve moved onto my next life stage. I was ready to make that transition but it was, it is, still a transition. I’ve still had to let go of ideas about, and aspects of, myself.

I’ve replaced drinking and smoking with baby wearing and cloth nappies. Report writing with breast feeding and thinking with gazing at my baby.

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I totally love it!

Thank you for reading whoever and wherever you are. I hope 2015 is a good-un for us all.

Bright blessings xx